The Thing About Lice Shampoo

I walked up to the barely-past-teenage cashier at the crappy grocery store down the street much earlier than I was even usually awake and dropped multiple boxes of lice shampoo down on the conveyor belt much harder than necessary. Barely-Past-Teenage Cashier: “Ooo, looks like somebody’s having a crappy morning.” Me: “Yep. What gave it away?…

There is no reason to keep torn sheets. Absolutely none.

Y’all, I just have to publicly shame myself for a moment. We’re moving which means I’m going through every cupboard, corner, closet, nook and cranny in my house, going through every. single. thing. that we own and deciding what is coming with us to Portland and what isn’t. The five years that we’ve been in…

Princess Farts

This is my dog Daisy.  Daisy is a little princess. Seriously, I have never met a dog more dainty and refined than this girl, it’s ridiculous.  If she had a dating profile it would say things like Likes: Playing dress up, eating culinary masterpieces my daddy cooks, sleeping on top of a massive pile of…

Believe it or not, I know more about my boobs than you do.

I could not breast feed. I couldn’t. Not that it’s anyone’s damn business or that there would be something wrong with it if I’d just chosen not to. But regardless, I couldn’t. Could not. At least half the time that comes up with someone who has or is breast feeding they get this really sad…

The TMI Post

I am sick, like raging raging sick.  I do not get medium sick ever… I’m either feeling slightly under the weather and am totally fine again after a day of chilling out or I’m shooting all the nutrients in my body out of orifices I wasn’t even aware I had.  It’s super gross. I have found a secret weapon…

How I Grieve

There are several normal ways people process terrible news.  Some people get angry, some people cry and get depressed, some people get drunk so they don’t have to think about it. Always the rebel I don’t do any other that (at least not at first), I have my own system. First, I have a small…

Come, let me gently stroke your lifeless feathers.

My kids are masters at entertaining one another.  Don’t get me wrong, they have their super clingy moments… but now that it’s nice out they’ll spend hours in the backyard just moving dirt from one place to another (I’m convinced there’s some super fun angle to the game I’m just not aware of yet) and since the…

My biggest accomplishment today was that I didn’t smack anybody.

Verona and I have had a rough week. Girlfriend is two… and she is very, very two,.  And this week has been a clusterfuck of all the awful stereotypes about two year olds.  Most of the days I have spent almost 100% of my time either dealing with chaos or attempting some serious deep breathing and have gotten absolutely…

The Five Stages of Presidental Debate Watching

Stage 1: Denial When the presidential candidates take the stage and you think to yourself this might be ok, maybe these guys will be ok. Just because they’re politicians doesn’t mean they can’t be reasonable, logical people… right?  Just because every experience in your entire life indicates otherwise this time could be different… right?  Right? Then they…

That time I attempted to see a doctor, and ultimately failed.

My to do list today had exactly one thing on it, get an xray of the leg that I royally jacked up this past weekend in the mountains.  (I hurt it while scaling the vertical side of a cliff trying to rescue a pair of baby eagles from imminent doom.)  I really should have gone when it…