I’m a Mennonite. We value hospitality and humility, justice and peace. It’s part of why I love being part of this tradition.
This last week at convention we passed some incredibly hurtful resolutions against the LGBT in our community. And I’m grieving.
I’m having a really really really hard time being a fucking Mennonite right now. I just… I don’t know… I always thought we were better than this. I know some congregations are more liberal (mine) or more conservative (the one I grew up in) but I thought over all we were better than this. I absolutely didn’t think we were going to be “those guys”, who took a million years to get on the right side of history. Who when we look back people say “Yep, those are the ones who opposed interracial marriage until the fucking 70s.” That’s going to be us on issues of sexuality. And that is heartbreaking. And infuriating. And absolute bullshit.
And I feel like we’ve been doing this my entire life. I remember hearing these “We talked about this at convention and decided not to make any changes now, we’ll talk about it again in four years.” updates from convention as a little tiny kid. The little tiny kid with the gay parent. No, there was never the anti-gay hate speech I’ve heard in other denominations… but refusing to stand up for us hurt too. Refusing to formally acknowledge my family no matter how much compassion was shown still hurt. It hurt then and it hurts now.
I’m hurt and I’m pissed and I’m OVER IT. I’m so so over it. And I want to just quit. Just quit and leave and find another faith. Because I can. I totally can. But what does that solve? If we all flee how does that help change happen? What does that accomplish but make more divisions? And if you can just divorce your community over an issue like this what does that say about your level of commitment? But I have kids and I don’t want them to grow up hearing the “four more years” conversation either. I want them to know that EVERYONE is welcome at Christ’s table. Everyone. Equally.
I don’t want to leave because this is community and that should mean something and because I love being Mennonite. But I’m tired of fighting. I’m so tired.
I’m exhausted and hurt and broken.
And usually when I’m exhausted and hurt and broken I go to my community… but to do that right now I need a community that accepts me completely no matter what. And accepts everyone in my family wholeheartedly with love. And accepts my children no matter who they love.
If you can’t do that maybe you’re not the community I thought.
I’m just so tired.