Marriage: Things They Don’t Warn You About

The other day I touched on the things nobody warns you about before you have kids… so here’s the follow up. Thing’s nobody warns you about before you get married.

1. Communication is Key. Just kidding, people TOTALLY tell you that before you get married, they tell you that ad nauseam. What they DON’T tell you is at that some point (or on a regular basis, you know, whichever) your partner will be telling you something very important, that they feel very strongly about…

…but the entire conversation will sound like one long sexual innuendo (in your end-o!) and you need to make your face look serious when really your brain can do nothing but scream “THAT’S WHAT SHEEEE SAAAAAID!” But if you interrupt them to actually say that while they’re trying to tell you their very important thing you’re a terrible person, so you can’t.

This is what your face will look like when it happens.
This is what your face will look like when it happens.

2. Thermostat Wars: The Struggle Is Real

Thermostat wars are the shit divorces are made of. The temperature of your house seems like such a minor detail… but marry someone with a wildly different core body temperature than your own and it will be the most frustratingly passive aggressive battle you’ll ever fight.

Incidentally, this is why my sister Tricia and I can never live together as adults. If we did every winter would look like this…
live fast die young bad girls do it well

 

3. Everyone thinks their spouse does 40% of the work. Seriously, I know people who’s spouse is totally worthless and does like 2% of the work in their house and people who’s spouse does 90% of the work… but when it really comes down to it they think their spouse does ok but that they themselves do slightly more.
how much
Everyone thinks they do the most and statically that just can’t be the case (because math bitches!). I don’t really know exactly what you should do with that little truth nugget… just that somebody should probably warn you before you get hitched.

 

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