I will often try things just because for some reason I get it in my head that I should be the kind of person who does that thing. Am I the only person who does this? Somebody please tell me I’m not the only person who does this. I’m not even sure where these ideas come from half the time.
Sometimes it turns out awesome, like when I decided I should be the kind of person who bakes rosemary bread regularly, or when I decided I should be the kind who has a book club with her friends at a coffee shop once a week.
And sometimes it’s borderline tragic, like every single time I’ve decided I should be the kind of person who runs and tonight. Tonight I got it into my head that I should be the kind of person who takes long baths while reading great works of literature and drinking wine instead of the kind of person who lays on the couch in her underwear while watching Sister Wives on Netflix and drinking her white trash version of a margarita (a couple shots of tequila in a glass of Fresh and Easy brand limeade).
The fact that I am the kind of person who lays on the couch in her underwear while watching Sister Wives on Netflix and drinking white trash margaritas was of no consequence; these delusions are not about reality.
So I whipped up this recipe for a DIY detox bath salt I’d seen on pinterest, something that is suppose to draw out toxins or something, poured myself a glass of red wine from the box in the fridge (baby steps y’all, baby steps), grabbed a copy of some Kerouac, and made my way into the bathroom.
As soon as my butt hit the bottom of the tub I remembered why I don’t do this.
Getting the balls to crawl into the tub in the first place required me cleaning the thing first… and anything that requires me to clean the bathtub is probably not going to be worth it. Further more, baths are disgusting. Even after cleaning the tub I spent the whole time thinking about the fact that I was sitting in a stagnant pool of my own filth. And to top it all off taking a scalding bath when it’s 100 degrees out is just a terrible plan in general. It’s down right miserable in fact.
Oh well, another useless delusion bites the dust.