Dear Facebook, Feel Free to Shove Your Black Friday Shaming Up Your Ass

My facebook feed has been blowing up all day with posts about how greedy all those nasty little Black Friday shoppers are and how the last Friday in November is an annual display of materialism in over drive.  I have a message for every single one of them… congratulations on being judgey little bitches, now grow the fuck up.

Black Friday Shoppers Are Out Of Control – Do you know what Black Friday is?  And before you scream “A million people trampling each other to death to be the first person into a store and then punching an old lady in face so you can get a cheap cappuccino machine!” I have never once stood in line for hours, rushed a store upon opening or punched an old lady in the face… at least not for Black Friday.  In fact, I don’t even know where you would find that if you were looking for it (although I suspect Walmart because that places steals your soul regardless of what day you go).

Don't worry about grandma, she can take care of herself.
Don’t worry about grandma, she can take care of herself.

If you have ever bought something on sale… and horror of all horrors, dared to be excited about the fact that you just saved some money… you have done exactly what I did this morning.  You went to a store and bought something at X% off, you may now consider yourself just as greedy and black hearted as me.

Black Friday Is All About Buying Things You Don’t Need – Fair enough, I didn’t buy anything this morning that I *needed*.  There are very few things one actually needs, I would have had food, clothing, a place to live, and my health even if I hadn’t got up this morning.  So by that logic you’re right, but I’m willing to bet most things you’re going to buy this holiday season you don’t actually need either, so since we’re all in the same boat can we agree to just let this one go?  (Any starving children in Africa who are going to buy absolutely nothing in the next two months but food and sticks to build a hut out of feel to judge me as much as you want.)

Black Friday is All About Greed – Not that it’s any of your business but this morning I bought 8 things.  Two of them were pieces of basic kitchenware that were going to be bought either way but today I spent $6 instead of around $20.  The other 6 were Christmas presents for the kids, one each from us, one each from my mom, and one each from my dad.

My parents are both on fixed incomes and can’t get to stores as easily as I can so I spent most of the morning on the phone with each of them and texting them pictures of stuff so they could get the kids what they were already planning on but for 1/4 of the price they would have paid.  We’re all on pretty tight budgets so getting Christmas presents for so cheap makes the holidays a lot easier for all of us… if strategically budgeting for the holidays makes me a greed ridden monster then I’m totally ok with it.

In short: if you think buying something on sale at 4pm next Tuesday is any different than buying something on sale at 7am this morning you’re delusional.  And if you think posting about what a great person you are for not going shopping this morning makes you sound like anything but an asshole you’re confused.


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