I regularly get upset over how much longer my “totally useless skills” list is than my “even moderately useful skills” list. Regardless, I have something to add to it. I am really fabulous at drawing fake unibrows.
Ever since I found this fabulous dress at Goodwill a few years ago I’ve been Frida Kahlo for Halloween. I don’t care if it’s unimaginative to be the same thing year after year, that dress is ridiculously comfortable and if I’m going to haul my ass all over God’s green earth pulling my kids in a wagon so they can get candy from neighbors I’m going to do it comfortable. Also, finding a not-super-slutty costume when you’re a woman is hard as balls… and ain’t nobody got time for that.
But here’s the thing about the Frida costume… I’m so incredibly good at drawing on that damn unibrown that people think it’s real. And then I’m pissed because people think I have a unibrow. But then I get excited because apparently I’m crazy awesome at unibrow drawing. But then I get pissed that I have one more totally worthless skill. But then I get excited because at least I have skills at all.
And then I come home to find my dogs sitting in a giant pile of empty candy wrappers and am just pissed that now I have to make them throw up so they don’t die. And here we are.
Oh, and these are my kids. Aren’t they too stinkin’ cute?!?