My daughter is obsessed with pubic hair.

I recently had my very first, but I suspect not last, awkward conversation with my kids about puberty.  There are two  tendencies I have when my kids ask me questions about things and I’m still not sure if they’re good or bad ones.

1. I can’t seem to formulate cutesy answers fast enough so my automatic response is to just tell them the straight up truth.  Like the time Verona asked me where babies come from and instead of something about a stork or two people loving each other I said “From some lady’s uterus.”

and 2. I’m never sure how much information she’s after, and she’s obnoxiously bad at giving me any readable hints, so I just keep rambling until she stops me.  Like when she asked me what leaves were and I ended up talking to her for about 20 minutes about everything from photosynthesis to the importance of using native plants in landscaping.  I’m assuming at least some of that sunk in though because a few weeks later the babysitter told me they’d gone to the park and Verona had informed her that “pinecones grow on coniferous trees”.  So maybe I’m just creating a super genius.

Anyway, a few days ago I had just taken a shower (my big accomplishment for the day) and was still walking around in nothing but stretch marks and a smile when Verona walked up and pointed at my crotch.

Verona: “Those are your pubies.  I want pubies too.”

Me: “You’ll get some.  Someday.”

Verona: “Tomorrow?”

Me: “God, I hope not.”

Verona: “Can I get some for my birthday?”

Me: “No.  You’ll get some when you’re older.  When you hit puberty.”

Verona: *stares blankly*

Me:  “You’ll get some when you hit puberty, probably sometime between the ages of 9 and 14.  Although statically the cases of early onset puberty in girls has been rising dramatically in the last quarter of a century or so, so it really could be earlier, although I really hope it isn’t.  Hopefully I’m avoiding that crazy train by being insane about what milk I let you drink.  I read about that being a contributing factor somewhere.”

Verona: *stares blankly*

Me:  “But uh, all sorts of crazy things will happen.  You’ll grow really tall and get hair in your armpits and other sometimes seemingly random places.  Your boobs will grow and if you got my DNA on that front they’ll grow to be enormous.  Possibly so big you’ll get back problems.  But probably not, don’t worry about back problems, that’s not something you should be worrying about that this age.  Your back will be fine.  And your boobs too.  Everything will be fine.  Oh, and you’ll emotionally go completely insane for a couple years but that goes away so it’ll be ok too.  Oh, except you’ll start having your period so you’ll go a little insane once a month for day or two… but periods aren’t actually awful, they’re actually really they’re cool cause they’re part of being a woman and being a woman is great.  Womanly power and… um… I have a book about that somewhere… I’ll give it you to read when this whole puberty thing happens.  About your feminine spirit and whatnot.”

Verona: *stares blankly*

Me:  “Yeah, so, uh, that’s puberty.  Does that answer your question?”

Verona:  “And THEN I’ll get pubies?”

Me:  “Yep.  Pubic hair and boobs and height and periods and a generally more rounded shape and arm pit and leg hair and…”

Verona:  “But I can’t get pubies for my birthday.”

Me:  “No.”

Verona:  “Ok.”

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6 thoughts on “My daughter is obsessed with pubic hair.

  1. “Nothing but stretch marks and a smile.” The best line I’ve read today.

    And I hear you about spewing too much information to my kids. We need to learn to be more like my sister. Her daughter saw a bit of menstrual blood in the bathroom and my sister, without missing a beat, said it was because she had been eating a jam sandwich in there. I could NEVER come up with a response like that!

  2. That’s so funny.
    My parents were very open with me and the only downside I can find is that I would disclose my information to all the other kids. Not sure if everyone in the second grade was ready to learn about sperm, but they did.

  3. Hahaha! Our pubie chat happened when Eva was about Verona’s age, and had just watche the Charlotte’s Web movie. Ryan got out of the shower and she told him he had a “nest of spiders” on his penis.

    Can I just say that the straight up long answer is always always always the right one? It is. Keep on keeping on, you awesome mama!!

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