Drunk Bible Stories : Joseph

Drunk Bible Stories… when I drink one drink too many and tell y’all a Bible story.  And the Christians pretend not to be offended because I’m drunk and the atheists pretend not to be offended that I’m talking about the Bible.  Everybody wins.

And without further ado, The Story of Joseph

Joseph: “I’m so much better than everyone, I’m so much younger than you and talking all sorts of shit.”

All Joseph’s Brothers: “Um… you’re a punk.  And nobody likes you because of the afore-mentioned shit talking.  In short, go fuck yourself.  We’re selling you into slavery.”

Joseph:  “Oh no!!!!  I am such a tool!”

(A bunch of years later…)

Potipher’s Wife:  “Ooo, sexy man.  I’m unhappy in my marriage but still needs to get me some.  Come gives  me some sexy man.”

Joseph:  “Um… God says no.”

Potipher’s Wife:  “Wolf!  Wolf!  Consider me the boy who called wolf because… um…. Wolf!”

(A bunch of years later… again… skipping over several other little stories I could have gone into….)

All Joseph’s Brothers:  “We’re so hungry because of the famine.  Give us food because we’re so hungry!  Oh… the hunger pain!  The weight loss!  The famine!”

Joseph:  “I’m in charge of all the things.  Good thing you don’t know I’m in charge of all the things….”

(After some drama)

Joseph:  “I’m in charge of all the things!  Now you know!”

All Joseph’s Family:  “That’s awesome!  Family reunion!  Good thing it turns out you’re in charge of all the things… because… you know… otherwise this portion of the Torah never would have been written because we all would have died.”

The end.


4 thoughts on “Drunk Bible Stories : Joseph

    1. Did you know that it was a mistranslation that gave us the idea of a multicolored dream coat? The real translation is “a coat with sleeves”. His brothers were pissed that his arms were warm in the winter and they were running around in dumb vests. 🙂

      1. sirmarkuss says:

        You just ruined an entire Andrew Lloyd Webber musical for me… I hope you’re happy 😛

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