I’ve decided to start a new segment on here called “Drunk Bible Stories”, the premise of which is, after I’ve been drinking, I’m going to get on here and tell y’all a Bible story. Why? Because I think it will be funny. And because it’s my blog and I can do whatever I want.
Fair warning, I swear a lot when I’m drunk. Like, so much it would make your grandma have a coronary. So quit reading now if that’s going to piss you off.
So without further ado… The Story Of Job, from the book of Job
Job: “God I don’t understand all the things! I’m so upset that I don’t understand all the things! It’s SOOO unfair! Explain all the things to me or I’m gonna keep going all pissy teenager on your ass about it!”
God: “Are you fucking serious right now? I created the me-damn universe! You live in a fucking tent. You think you can understand me? That’s just fucking hilarious. Now go cook something over a fire and check yourself while I keep managing all of creation, forming new life, and holding the entire freaking universe together.”
Job: *staring with his mouth half open*
God: “Exactly. That’s what I thought.”