Wednesday afternoon Banana, my precious tiny dog, passed away.
I got this picture the day before he died. Verona adored this little guy almost as much as I did.
I found Banana as a stray a few years ago and brought him home with the full intention of taking him to a shelter only to find all the shelters were full and nobody would take him… and so, be default, he became ours.
Death is a weird weird thing while simultaneously being the most natural thing in the world. Banana’s death was beautiful and full of love, while at the same time being horrifying and gross… but somehow the beauty didn’t take away from the horror at all and the horror didn’t taint the beauty… they just existed side by side in a bizarre juxtaposition of inevitability.
We knew it was coming so we all had a chance to say goodbye, but Wednesday morning when I saw him I knew the time was very near. He was so weak by that point that he couldn’t walk or even stand so that morning I move him and his little bed out into the sun so even though he couldn’t see anymore he could feel the warmth and the kids and I spent the morning outside playing so Verona could spend some more time with him and he wouldn’t be alone.
When they went down for their nap I brought him inside to sit on my lap while I watched a movie, something we’ve done together most evenings since I found him those years ago. Despite having no eyesight left he kept pulling is head up, something that was incredibly difficult for him, to look at me. He seemed so scared so, through my tears, I told him he didn’t have to be, that everything was going to be ok, and I was holding him so if it was time he wouldn’t to be alone. I also reminded him how incredibly loved he was.
A few minutes later suddenly the room was filled with an emptiness, I reach down and put my hand on his tiny chest and realized he was gone.
When I picked his dirty, scraggly self up off the street those years ago I never anticipated how much I would love him or how blessed I would be by him. He needed me at a time in my life when I desperately needed to be needed. While it was good to have the chance to say goodbye it doesn’t make me miss him any less.