In terms of actual writing on this blog in the past month or so I have done a grand total of two “here’s a few pictures of my new kid” posts, a stupid story when I was trying way to hard to find something to write, and one angry rant. In short, I apologise for writing pretty much nothing of value.
The abridged excuse for my sucky blog-havior is that I’m the weariest panda in the zoo. (That thing a few posts ago about how well I’m doing was complete bullshit.) Finnegan has a serious case of colic, he also refuses to sleep anywhere that’s not on top of me, I’ve got a serious case of “I don’t remember what sleep feels like” and “my hormones are draining the color out of the world”. It’s the exact opposite of the blissed out love fest that happened after I had Verona. I feel bland and kinda like a crappy mom.
Anyway it ends now. Commence operation regain sanity! My epic plan to get my happiness back is as follows…
Music. Happy music to be specific. We used to have music in our house all the time and in the past few weeks we haven’t… it’s coming back! Michael Franti, Jason Mraz, and Matisyahu Pandora stations? Prepared to become reacquainted with my home! And in the small moments when
Colic McCrankPants Finn let’s me put him down and V is entertained I’m playing the piano.
Eating real things. When I’m stressed I eat like it’s my job, when I’m depressed I quit cold turkey (seriously, I lose like 20 lbs every time somebody dies). Anyway, I’ve been eating about as much as I’ve been sleeping lately which is code for not nearly enough. Great for post pregnancy weight loss, less great for being a healthy happy person.
Actually, I’m going to change this one to “ingest real things” because I’m not sure at this juncture cutting out Naked Juice as a valid meal option is feasible.
Deep breaths. Easiest way to chill myself out and it needs to happen more.
TV. The TV ends up on in our house way more than I want it to. I am not anti-TV (or anti-Netflix as the case may be, we don’t actually have TV) but I am anti-it being on as the background noise. It grates on my nerves, distracts me from whatever else I’m trying to do (like eating real things or deep breathing), and sets an example I don’t know that I want to set for my kids. From here on unless someone is actively watching it the TV is off.
Exacerbated face. When something happens I’m not a fan of I do this thing where my eyes roll up, my head leans back, one eyebrow cruises skyward, and my mouth pulls up into this weird sneer. (I was trying to take a picture of it to put on here but then realized how ugly I am when I do that so I’m not doing it.) When I was a teenager I wore leather bracelets, dated douchebags without jobs, and made this angsty face and while I should have grown out of all of that for whatever reason the face stayed. For the record I don’t want to get rid of the face, I think it’s very good at showing exactly how I feel sometimes, I just want to stop doing it so often… especially to my kids.
So it’s on. I’m getting my happiness back. Wish me luck.