Foreskins and Scissors… oh my!

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We’re gearing up for the birth of a baby… but not just any baby… a boy.

You know what boys come with?  Other that snips and snails and puppy dog tails?  A penis, and more importantly a foreskin on that penis.  Leading to the grand and epic question… what to do about that foreskin.

When I was pregnant with Verona as soon as the sonogram indicated she didn’t have one we completely ceased all circumcision discussion, but once The Captain’s sonogram revealed he did we were forced back into the conversation.

For those of you who have never been responsible for making this decision you may not be aware, but it is not a friendly conversation to be apart of.  Mention the word circumcision in many parenting circles and you will be met with angry people on one side screaming “HYGIENE!  HIV!  YUCKY!” and “GENITAL MUTILATION!” on the other.  Try to find unbiased research on it and you’ll find mostly articles that fall into one of those two camps as well.

It’s infuriating.

My first step was quizzing people who I trusted who had insider knowledge of penises and circumcision… meaning our guy friends.  The biggest thing I took away from that was that, as far as I can tell, women care a whole lot more than guys do.  I didn’t come across a single guy, snipped or unsnipped, who wasn’t completely satisfied with the state of his member or who was opposed to anyone circumcising or not circumcising their own kid.

My next step was miles and miles of research because I am a crazy research fiend who can’t make a decision without at least nine valid resources to back me up.  After reading countless articles, CDC reports, statistic sheets, personal accounts, and op ed columns I has become convinced that 1. It didn’t really matter and 2. I hated everybody on both sides of the argument.  At one point in frustration I asked David only half jokingly “Can we please just cut half his foreskin off so we’re not forced to side with any of these people?  Please?”  David said no.

So I did what any mother who was thoroughly unconvinced of either option would do… I passed the decision off to someone else.  I told David that as our families resident expert on having a penis the choice was officially up to him.  I was out.

So what have we decided on?  We (and by we I mean David) did finally make an official decision but maybe it’s not my place to broadcast the nature of my sons junk to anyone with an internet connection.

The state of his wiener is his story to tell.  My story is that not only is this a big decision but it’s a really hard one for a lot of parents to make.  And in the end, whether we chose the route of the scissors or to keep our little monsters business all natural, it’s stupid that we can’t all support each other because the truth is we’re all going to make plenty of good choices and plenty of bad ones and we’re all on this ridiculous road together.  This whole parent thing is stress inducing enough without us guilt tripping one another.

So here’s to all parents trying to make the best decisions for their kids.  I wish you the best!  Here’s to all the male genitalia out there, snipped or otherwise.  May your path be free of STDs and premature ejaculation!  And here’s to everyone… traveling down their own road… trying to figure it all out.  You can do it!

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13 Comments Add yours

  1. I didn’t realise a blog post about circumcision could make me giggle so much lol

    1. jboring says:

      I tried to throw in as many amusing euphamisms as possible to make it less serious. I’m glad it worked. 🙂

      1. Oh it totally worked lol.
        This is an awesome place to be for a funny or two!

    2. Charles says:

      The you tube video on women in Egypt being circumcised, it was so funny, I was somewhat blue in the cheeks after laughing so hard for so long. Women who aren’t cut have way higher rate of mental illness.

  2. Erin says:

    You’re awesome. I love your approach to life and parenting.

    Sometimes, there are advantages to having a baby when you are ignorant and 18. Such as, you don’t even consider the pros and cons of circumcision, you just do it. Afterwards, I remember thinking, “Hmm, I hope his adoptive parents are cool with that,” because I didn’t even think twice about it.

  3. I came upon your blog via sparklingadventures christian unschooling blog roll. It’s 10.09p and I’ve been unsatisfied and, thus, unwilling to go to bed. I was perusing around, thought “plaid sheep”? let’s give that one a try and literally laughed out loud at this line — but maybe it’s not my place to broadcast the nature of my sons junk to anyone with an internet connection.
    thanks for the laugh. I can get into bed now laughing all the way. Thanks for that and I’ll be back for sure.

    1. jboring says:

      I had no idea I was on their blogroll but I’m really flattered because I think they’re awesome! I’m also glad I could add some giggle to your night.

  4. Allison says:

    Oh, Jenna. This is a perfect response. As someone who anticipates having children soon, at least one of which could be a boy, and does not care about the circumcision issue due to lack of convincing research or religious conviction either way, I think directing mommy-wars busybodies to ask your son about his junk in 18 years is the way to go. Circumcision status will probably be pretty low on the kid’s radar in terms of concern for his junk’s well-being.

    1. jboring says:

      Haha, yeah, he’ll have plenty of fun with it regardless I imagine. 🙂

  5. Charles says:

    It’s telling that the mass hypnosis has people dismissing men’s claims on self determination, when they wouldn’t dream of trashing that liberty to contravene females from having it. Rights exist only on one side, that of the female. The exact same principle applies to clothing. We’ve discarded the idea of sex differences in clothing (as it would restrict females) but we ferociously enforce those ideas as they restrict men. Never mind that men wore skirts for 1,000’s of years with no overtones of female impersonation; we have become stuck with the garment invented for horseback riding, the almighty trouser, after the cause of it has vanished. The upshot is that only females are allowed to control the appearance of their naked and of their clothed bodies. So much for woefully incorrect claims that females are the oppressed gender. Belief in the “pros” of something traces to marketing for profit on the part of those who (inflict, not provide) the alleged service, which is a legal affront. Preventative surgery is a misnomer for mayhem. We don’t want to believe that something wrong has been done to over 100 million men in this country. We have accepted the demonization of a body part, whereas Europeans are shocked that we treat our sons as chattels to be marked. Parents should take into account the falling numbers concerning circumcision and the fact that their sons may end up hating them for it. When he asks you why, you won’t be able to blame it on the doctor. You signed the perverted form. Then there’s the daughter in law angry over sex that’s less comfortable because function was taken away. These so-called surgeries haven’t been done to dogs, they are still being done to baby boys who are being taught pain and violence early. This is why some women get beat up by the men they’re with. What you send out always returns. We wouldn’t think of slandering a woman in jeans as “an uncircumcised transvestite,” but let a male want the same freedoms, his freedoms have to be killed by means of deviously crafted definitions. Male anger over circumcision is growing and will only become a larger presence as the days pass. Emperor Hadrian, we need your laws today.

    1. jennaboring says:

      Thanks for sharing Charles. I can tell your views on this are really strong and appreciate getting the chance to hear them.

      1. Charles says:

        Views are expressed daily behind closed doors. These views are edited out of the national consciousness by a media with totalitarian agenda. They are the screams of those given no choice. Ring blocks, if used at all, are themselves very painful till numbness sets in. Afterwards, urine salts burning in the wound will cause pain for at least several days, as will changing the dressing every time. In a dream I overturned the headstone of the person who attacked me as a child. It is an attack, it destroys living tissue.

  6. jennaboring says:

    Semi-non sequitor: Is this Charles-I-went-to-college-with or Charles-a-stranger? I’m just curious.

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