A little over a year and a half ago I was big fat giant pregnant and gearing up to poop a whole nother person out of my baby hole.
I had read everything there was to read, listened to the advice and stories of just about everyone who would talk to me, I’d thought through every possibility and gone over every possible scenario in my head. The only thing I hadn’t done was ever experienced “the big show” before so despite all the reading, the listening, and the contemplating I really didn’t know much of anything.
Subsequently, I was scared shitless.
I was scared shitless and I didn’t trust anyone or anything. All the mainstream uber medical information I’d gathered had convinced me my body didn’t know what it was doing and could never handle this epic adventure on it’s own without a thousand professionals dictating every decision and detail to me. At the same time all the uber natural hippie-dippy stuff I’d read had convinced me that doctors were out to get me… that they didn’t know how birth was supposed to happen and wouldn’t be happy until I had 9 epidurals, 4 episiotomies, and a c section. I couldn’t turn to any natural experts outside the medical community either because too many scary birth reality shows (thanks TLC) had me convinced that midwives and doulas were just as terrible and were going to block the door if I tried to go ask for pain meds and threaten me with all sorts of horror stories until I got the hell back in that birthing tub and enjoyed this beautiful event damnit!
I was terrified with no faith in any of my options and no one to turn to. And. It. Sucked.
Now, a year and a half later, I am once again big fat giant pregnant and gearing up to shoot another little monster out of my lady business… but things could not be different.
The epic truth I learned last time was to chill out and just trust. My body knows what it’s doing, it was made for this and can handle it and I trust that. I also trust my own ability to know and listen to my body enough to make decisions when they’re presented. The medical community is not out to get me, my doctor is on my side and making decisions based on what’s best for me and my baby and I trust that. She also knows a lot… a hell of a lot more than I do in fact… thinking that reading some articles on babycenter.com and a few books on breathing techniques makes me smarter than her and her 8 years of education on this very subject is arrogant and stupid. I trust in her abilities, her knowledge, and her input on what we should do.
I trust David to be there fully with me in this. I trust my community to be there for me
if when I need them. I trust this whole process to unfold as it’s meant to, whether that means giving birth in the backseat of the car before we can even make to the hospital with no doctors, monitors, or pain meds… or a planned c section.
I trust that everything is going to be ok, and I am soooo ready for this.