An epic adventure was needed. It was desperately, desperately needed. So a month or two ago Kristen and I planned an epic adventure that we knew we couldn’t do until both of us had baby sitters on the same day.
Then suddenly, the stars aligned. Our friend Megan was going to be in town for a weekend. The same weekend David’s mom wanted to take the kids. The same weekend Kristen already had a baby sitter on Saturday because she was working later that day. And the clouds opened above us, and the angels sang, and we all ran away to a day of much drinking and picture taking together.
Our first stop on the lightrail we got off, ready for fun. We were immediately approached by a homeless man who asked if we had a dollar. We didn’t… who carries cash anymore? ”No no, don’t be sorry.” he told us. ”No problem. Thank you for your time.” We kept on walking until the man’s demeanor completely changed and he turned to Kristen and said “I have a plan for today. And that plan is to eat.” We all laughed politely but he stopped us. ”No, you don’t understand. I’ve been asking people for a dollar all morning and nobody’s given me one. If somebody doesn’t give me a dollar, I’m going to rob somebody.”
We all laughed uncomfortably and I moved behind David in one quick motion. (David, for those of you who don’t know, is reasonably big and people are highly intimidated by him.) Maybe it makes me a bad friend but the truth is I suspect Kristen and Megan can run away fast than I can, I’m going to take my advantages where I can get them.
He looked us up and down then added. ”I’m going to rob someone. If you don’t want it to be you ladies, you need to go that way.” pointing the direct we weren’t going. We went that way anyway… wasting a few minutes going the wrong direction seemed a small price to pay. Afterall, nothing fucks up an epic adventure more than getting stabbed before it’s even begun.
When we finally resumed our first stop (if you can’t read the instructions we had to stop at the third restaurant to the east) was this adorable little place called Fez. None of us had ever been there but I’d recommend it. We told the bartender to get us whatever four drinks he thought we would like the most and he did a fabulous job.
He then surprised us with a round of shots. Huzzah!
Our bartenders name was Jesus and we started talking to him, explaining out whole epic adventure plan and telling him about almost getting robbed when in the middle of our story crazy homeless man shows up outside the restaurant. ”That’s him! That’s him right there! Holy cow!” we exclaimed.
Jesus threw the towel he was using down on the bar and charged outside announcing “Don’t worry ladies, I’ll take care of this.” We don’t know what he did or said, but he took care of it. The crazy guy left and we didn’t see him again.
Proving once and for all that Jesus saves.
We took the next train south after that and ended up at the park behind the library.
We had as much fun at the park as we could, but the truth was we were raging hungry. The instructions said we had to find a man with a mustache to tell us where to have lunch so we went on a hunt for a mustached man. We searched…
…and we searched…
…and we searched…
…and we searched.
We searched for so much longer than it seemed possible we would have to search… although that could have just been the hunger talking. After what seemed like a million years we found someone with sufficient facial hair who told us to go to The Spaghetti Factory, which we gladly did.
Oh lord it was delicious. We didn’t have a bartender to tell us what to drink so David declared he was our bartender and ordered us stuff he thought we’d like and he was correct. There are very few pictures of the food because everyone was too hungry to do anything with it that wasn’t digging in.
We did, however, take plenty of pictures afterward.
The rest of the day was lots of walking, lots of picture taking, lots of talking and searching and fun. Eventually we were suppose to find someone on a skateboard to tell us where to drink next but if we thought finding someone with a mustache was hard it was only because we didn’t try to find someone on a skateboard.
Eventually we gave up because we were thirsty and decided to just go the next place we saw that we could drink. Then, like magic, a Hard Rock appeared before us.
Hurray for epic adventures!