I’m sure you’ve all noticed, since reading this blog is probably the most important thing going on in any of your lives, that I haven’t been here for a while. About a month to be exact. I’m glad you survived. Here’s the quick run down of what I’ve been doing the past month.
1. I wrote a book. The main reason I haven’t been here is because at the very last minute I told someone I would do NaNoWriMo with them. For those of you who don’t like to put yourself through completely unnecessary torture, NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel Writing Month and every November a bunch of crazy people try to crank out a 50,000+ word novel in those 30 days. They call it “30 days and nights of literary abandon”, I call it “30 days and nights of wanting to punch my laptop”.
I broke away from the hilarity I normally write and tried my hand at a tragedy. That’s right, the woman who brought you such literary masterpieces as “The Night Of Bodily Fluids” and “Jesus Scratched His Balls” wrote a novel about death and sadness and teenagers burning themselves with cigarettes. There was lots of late night crying into wine… and when you’re writing so much so quickly you’re kind of forced to eat and breath your story so it was really hard to get away from it. It was a weird month.
Also, because it’s not what I normally write there’s a good chance it sucks. Like, a lot. So there’s also a very good chance I will never show it to anyone, but I still did it… hurray!
And for all of you wanting a funny Plaid Sheep book don’t worry, a book of hilarity much like this blog (some straight from this blog) called ”The Foul Mouthed Mennonite” and a parenting book called “The Zen Art of Chilling the Fuck Out” are still squshing around in my mind grapes. And those I will definitely show you when/if they’re done.
2. Thanksgiving. I’ll spare you all my Thanksgiving rant, but I will say it’s my least favorite holiday. I don’t understand the point and I hate the food. I’m weirded out by meat that still looks like an animal because I’m the most hypocritical kind of omnivour, so the turkey is just upsetting, and it seems like the theme of typical Thanksgiving food is taking something good and adding more things to it till it’s just weird. Sweet potatoes are delicious on their own, they don’t need marshmellows, go put those in some hot chocolate where they belong. And green beans are a tasty side dish, I will never understand the insistance on drowning them in cream of something gross soup… you can leave the crispy onion on top though, I approve of those.
And as it turns out I didn’t spare you my Thanksgiving rant at all. You’re welcome.
3. I taught myself to knit. I haven’t decided yet if knitting makes me an old lady or a hipster, because on one hand I did have my hair in a bun while I did it, but on the other hand I did instagram a picture of it… so the jury is still out on that one.
4. I learned that I hate knitting. Knitting is just crocheting for people who like unnecessary work and are wayyyyyy more cordinated than I am.
5. I attempted once again to get organized and whatnot. Read this if you want to know what my life looks like. Choosing to dive into that again while attempting the novel business was a bad idea but, ya know.
6. I went to the fair multiple times where my daughter kissed all manner of barnyard animal,
Finn and a goat fell deeply in love with each other,
and I took a million gratutitous pictures of the most awkward furry creatures I could find that I now have no use for.